Doctrine of Sex

July 23, 2010

Doctrine of Sex

A. The Castle Analogy to Sex.
1. There are three areas of intimacy in marriage.
a. Physical Intimacy. This is the coalescence of
bodies in the sexual relationship of marriage. Sex is the
ultimate in human intimacy, the invisible walls which isolate
husband and wife from the rest of the world.
b. Compatibility intimacy. This is the coalescence of
souls through the formation of the integrity envelope, which
establishes true love.
c. Rapport intimacy. This is the coalescence of the
spiritual lives of husband and wife, using the four spiritual
mechanics to attain the four objectives of the spiritual life.
2. God invented marriage to be a special relationship of
unity, intimacy, and privacy between one adult man and one adult
3. Marriage can be illustrated by the concept of the
a. The foundation for the castle is Jesus Christ, who
performed the first marriage in history. But since the Lord no
longer performs wedding ceremonies in person, He has designed the
foundation of the castle to be Bible doctrine, His thinking, 1
Cor 2:16.
(1) The solution to all marital problems is
located in the content of Bible doctrine, plus the problem
solving devices of the protocol plan.
(2) This means that marital problems are not
solved by changing spouses in what is called an “other-directed
marriage,” but by changing yourself in what is called a “self-
directed marriage.”
(3) This means that marital problems are not
solved by counselling, by seeking self-justification, by
unloading your problems on others, or any other system involving
others in your marriage. The exception is when a spouse needs
medical attention or psychiatric help.
b. Just as Bible doctrine circulating in the seven
compartments of the stream of consciousness is the foundation in
marriage, so personal love inside the integrity envelope is the
superstructure of the castle.
(1) The castle walls provide unity, privacy,
intimacy, love, affection, virtue, and happiness.
(2) Since the wife is a responder, those
invisible walls protect her from any outside encroachment in the
form of seduction, distraction, or transference of affection and
admiration to someone other than her husband. This does not
imply social withdrawal from friends, peers, or society in
general, nor does it imply aversion to the conformity to the
conventional standards of social behavior.
(3) Marriage is a special relationship, a system
of intimacy, privacy, unity, virtue, love, and happiness in which
the husband protects his wife as a responder through fulfillment
through the first divine law of marriage, Eph 5:25, “Husbands,
love your wives just as Christ also loved the Church and gave
Himself as a substitute for her.” Neither the husband or wife
should ever go outside and complain about the other spouse. This
does not mean being asocial or anti-social, but indicates a
divine grace provision for one man and one woman which is
different from all other human relationships including
relationship with father and mother.
c. Part of the invisible walls of protection is
sexuality, which was invented by God to be the monopoly of
(1) Sex is the invisible castle walls that
isolate the husband and wife from all other persons in their
periphery. The sexual relationship in marriage is the invisible
walls of the castle, which constitute the unity, the privacy, the
intimacy, love, affection, virtue, and happiness of divine
institution number two–marriage.
(2) Sex portrays the beauty of interdependence in
marriage, just as Bible doctrine emphasizes the believer’s total
dependence on God and His grace policy.
(3) Sex is a return to Eden, when the coalescence
of bodies is accompanied by the coalescence of souls. The
coalescence of bodies is a vacation from the first two laws of
marriage. The man’s authority over the woman is set aside in
sex. The woman’s obedience to the man is set aside in sex. Each
spouse has the authority over the other person’s body. Each can
initiate in sex and the other can respond. This gives both a
vacation back to the garden of Eden.
d. A second part of the invisible walls of protection
in marriage is the integrity envelope, which provides the
coalescence of souls to accompany the coalescence of bodies,
which protects the woman as a responder to one man in marriage.
The invisible wall created by sexual intimacy not only
establishes an inner dependence between husband and wife but adds
a fantastic interaction by which spirituality and sexuality
combine to form the most fantastic relationship in life.
e. There are two categories of sex operational in
(1) Legitimate sex, which God invented for the
invisible walls of marriage.
(2) Illegitimate sex, which is man’s sinful and
evil distortion of what God has so graciously provided. The
castle of marriage has invisible walls which isolate husband and
wife in marriage and cause their relationship to be unique.
Illegitimate sex destroys the castle walls of marriage. 1 Cor
7:2, “But because of every kind of unlawful sex, let each man
have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband.”
f. Sex outside of marriage is always classified as a
sin, Lev 18; 20:10-23; Num 5:12-13; Deut 5:22-23.
g. Marriage is built on the principle of Bible
doctrine and consummated in sexual relationship between husband
and wife.
h. Marriage must have isolation from parents and
society in general under the concept of intimacy, privacy,
virtue, love, happiness, and unity. This isolation is the
invisible walls of the castle which we call sex.
4. Sex portrays the interdependence of the husband and wife
in marriage, the unique unity between one man and one woman.
5. Sex in marriage is described under the quote “one flesh”
in Gen 2:24 and Eph 5:31. Hence, “one flesh” describes the
invisible walls of the castle. Eph 5:31, “For this reason a man
shall leave his father and mother, and he shall have sex with his
wife, and they two shall be one flesh.”
a. Marriage is a state of independence from all
previous relationships in life. This does not isolate husband
and wife from their parents; but it does mean that parents have
no right to interfere in the lives of their adult children.
b. God ordained the principle of separation from
parents in the garden of Eden before parents existed. Marriage
came first. Therefore, marriage must be separated from parents
and all other forms of society under the concept of unity,
privacy, intimacy, virtue, and equality.
c. Gen 2:24 is quoted in Mt 19:5; Mk 10:7; 1 Cor 6:16;
Eph 5:31.
6. Sex is the monopoly of marriage. It was invented by God
for seven reasons.
a. The interdependence of husband and wife is
portrayed by sex.
b. The unity of marriage is portrayed by sex.
c. The equality of marriage is portrayed by sex.
d. The privacy and intimacy of marriage is portrayed
by sex.
e. The virtue of marriage – thoughtfulness,
tenderness, self-control, virtue love of the husband in
performing the sexual act – is portrayed by sex.
f. The recreation of marriage occurs by sex.
g. The procreation of the human race.

B. Sex is both unity and equality in marriage.
1. The husband is the authority in marriage and has the
responsibility of exercising his responsibility in virtue love
and in spiritual self-esteem. The function of the wife is to
respond first with respect and then with obedience. The wife is
never commanded to love the husband, but the husband to love the
wife with virtue love developed by Bible doctrine.
2. In the sexual relationship, the authority of the husband
is set aside. 1 Cor 7:3-4, “Let the husband fulfill his marital
responsibilities to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her
husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but
the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have
authority over his own body, but the wife does.”
a. Sexuality in marriage is a vacation from the first
two laws of marriage–from the husband’s authority and from the
wife’s obedience. Therefore, sex becomes a vacation, a
recreation, a change from the usual authority system. Each has
something the other needs for completion.
b. This means that sex is that part of marriage where
the authority of the husband is set aside and equality of
interaction between husband and wife takes over. Sex is that
part of marriage where the authority of the husband and the
obedience of the wife does not function.
c. In the sexual relationship of marriage, there is no
authority. Instead there is the flexibility of response and
counter response. Either partner can initiate in sex in
marriage. It begins in foreplay, and continues in the sexual
d. The husband has authority over the wife in
marriage, except when it comes to the matter of sex. In the
function of sex in marriage, there are two authorities and two
responders. The wife has authority over the husband’s body and
the husband has authority over the wife’s body. Where two
authorities coalesce in sex, there is equal authority, which is
no authority.
3. In sex, either the husband or wife can initiate. Both
can initiate, or either one can initiate. Whatever is agreeable
in the sexual relationship must be acceptable to both parties in
the relationship.
4. 1 Cor 11:11, “Because of the Lord, neither is the woman
anything apart from the man, neither is the man anything apart
from the woman.” The wife has just as much right to initiate in
sex. This is the coalescence of the bodies and the coalescence
of souls. Sex is the place of both unity and equality in
5. Sex is a part of marriage where the authority of the
husband and the obedience of the wife give precedence to personal
love inside the integrity envelope. Because there is no
authority in sex as such, each having authority over the body of
the other, there is a demand in sex for the highest function of
a. The real secret to a successful sex life is virtue.
God invented sex to function magnificently to the satisfaction of
all through virtue.
b. It is the virtue of impersonal love, personal love
inside the integrity envelope of impersonal love, and spiritual
self-esteem that makes sex such a fantastic thing.
6. In sex, virtue love demands that the husband and the
wife take a vacation to the garden of Eden behind those invisible
walls of their castle. This means that personal love inside the
integrity envelope produces a special virtue of love, tenderness,
thoughtfulness, passion, coalescence of their souls and bodies in
their return to Eden.
a. The husband must be very thoughtful. He must
demonstrate tenderness, patience, and above all self-control.
Self-gratification has no virtue in sex. Virtue demands that the
husband have self-control, because God invented a different
structure for sex in the man and woman.
b. Virtue demands that the husband make sure that the
wife is satisfied in her responses in sex. Failure to obey the
mandate to love his wife as Christ loved the Church means failure
in authority over his own body in sex. That means that he will
leave his wife in a state of frustration. Her frustration moves
to the soul in antagonism. The man must use his virtue authority
to keep his body under control for as long as is necessary in the
satisfaction of the woman.
7. The husband does not use his authority to demand sex;
for sex is not the function of male tyranny, nor the modus
operandi of the three arrogance skills, nor sexual lust, nor
a. Every husband must realize that sex in marriage is
not the demand syndrome. The demand syndrome is the husband
using his authority to force the wife into bed. A smart and
virtuous husband will find ways to make his wife initiate and
lead him to the bed.
b. Sex is not designed by God to be a demand from the
tyranny of the authority of the husband, ignoring his
responsibility and emphasizing his lust. Lust is often the abuse
of sex.
c. Sex is not putting lust into a slot machine and
getting self-gratification.
d. The response of the wife in sex combines on the one
hand initiation and abandonment on the other hand. She has the
right to go from initiation to abandonment. The husband’s
authority exercised over the wife is now exercised over his own
e. Each spouse must find in the other the building
material for the construction of those invisible castle walls.
Sex builds a wall of unity, intimacy, privacy, and virtue around
the marriage.
8. Sex does not attack the authority of the husband, but
strengthens it through the husband’s personal love for the wife
inside the integrity envelope and through his satisfying the wife
in sex.
9. God invented sex for two purposes.
a. The primary purpose is for recreation. Sex is a
short vacation; the recharging of two batteries. In recreation,
sex gives the husband a vacation from his authority function, and
the wife a vacation from her subordinate function.
b. The secondary purpose is for procreation–
perpetuation of the human race through sexual intercourse.
Children do not hold a marriage together, recreation inside the
integrity envelope and coalescence of souls does.
c. In recreation, sex gives the husband a vacation
from his authority function over the wife and the wife has a
vacation from her subordinate function to the husband. This is
the only way for true sexual comparability.
10. Sex is designed to fulfill two principles in marriage:
recreation and procreation. But God did not design sex for the
creation of life. Sex does not create human life; it produces
biological life and the old sin nature. Life comes from God, not
from man.
11. Just as self-determination, property and life are
expressions of human freedom, so sex is the expression of freedom
in marriage. Authority is set aside, and the relationship
becomes one of response and counter response under virtue and
12. Sex in marriage emphasizes the doctrinal principle that
each spouse has a responsibility to the other. And this
responsibility includes the purpose of sex as an expression of
both unity and virtue in marriage.
13. God designed sex to be an expression of both virtue and
unity. The expression of virtue in the successful function of
sex is twofold.
a. The husband’s virtue love combines with his
spiritual self-esteem resulting in satisfying his wife in the
sexual act.
b. The wife’s respect and growing virtue love results
in satisfying the husband.
14. Hence, behind the invisible castle walls of sex in
marriage there is something far greater and far more lasting–the
expression of virtue in that relationship.
15. Through doctrinal inculcation and subsequent doctrinal
conceptualism, sex portrays the beauty of interdependence in
marriage. Sex is an expression of that interdependence; and
therefore, only gets better as husband and wife advance from the
attraction stage of their relationship to the compatibility and
rapport stages.

C. The Precedence of Sex In Marriage.
1. Sexual intercourse in marriage unites the bodies of the
husband and the wife, but only personal love inside the integrity
envelope can unite their souls in true love. There is no true
love in marriage unless their is coalescence of soul.
2. The coalescence of souls brings true meaning to “one
flesh” (Gen 2:24) in the conjugal relationship of the husband and
wife in marriage.
3. The first marriage in history occurred immediately after
the creation of the woman. Therefore, the first occurrence and
sexual intercourse occurred in marriage.
4. Sex is the monopoly of marriage. It is designed by God
for the expression of unity, virtue, privacy, intimacy, and
personal care for the other spouse in marriage. As such, sex
becomes an invisible wall of intimacy and protection. You can
never have sex outside of marriage without adverse consequences
related to the law of volitional responsibility. Marriages are
often destroyed long before they occur. The four spiritual
mechanics are the only thing that give you recovery from this
kind of situation. There is no other. All the psychological
nonsense in the world will not help. Only God can turn cursing
into blessing.
5. The divine institution of marriage is as close as any
two people (male and female) can ever get to the perfect
environment of the garden of Eden. The divine institution of
marriage is the only way you can go back to the garden. Because
marriage takes its precedence before the fall of man, it is the
one place where you can recover some of the fantastic blessing
that belonged to Adam and the woman.
6. The first marriage provided precedence for the
a. Marriage came before sex.
b. Marriage came before romance. Therefore,
premarital sex is not a part of romance, it is a distortion of
c. Personal love inside the integrity envelope came
before sin. Personal love outside of the integrity envelope
emphasizes the body over the soul, sex over love, sin over
d. Response from the woman came before the reaction
from the woman. She was vulnerable as a responder. The first
sin in history was the woman reacting. She reacted to God and
reacted to Adam. While sex in marriage is a wall to protect the
woman, if she reacts to her husband, that reaction can result in
sins of all kinds. When a woman is not responding, she is
e. The woman has, as a responder, the most important
role. Her love is going to come out of respect. Her
relationship with a man is going to be to respond to her husband
only, the husband that she accepted.
7. The characteristics of the first female reaction.
a. She reacted against the divine prohibition in the
garden of Eden.
b. She rejected the authority of the man.
c. She became the first sinner in human history.
d. The woman’s reaction was based on false information
through which she was deceived, 1 Tim 2:14.
e. The woman, designed as a responder, became a
reactor and reversed the pattern and the direction of her life.
(1) The female reaction pattern occurs all of the
time and produces all kinds of mental attitude sins, emotional
sins, and verbal sins. (2) The reaction pattern
often involves sex outside of marriage. The woman seeks the
approbation of other men. She places emphasis on her body’s
demand for sex.
(3) The result is the dead soul of 1 Tim 5:6,
“But she who lives in wanton pleasure [being headstrong and
willful, vulnerable to flattery, socially unrestrained,
competitive, flirtatious, getting involved in sexual lawlessness]
is dead while she lives.”

D. The Purpose of Sex in Marriage.
1. Contrary to legalistic asceticism in marriage, God
designed sex in original creation as an expression of conjugal
love. Sex was designed for recreation in marriage. The
precedence is stated in Gen 2:24, “For this cause a man shall
leave his father and his mother, and shall have sexual
intercourse with his wife; and they shall become one flesh.” Gen
2:24 is quoted in Eph 5:31, where the Hebrew word DABAQ is
translated by the Greek word PROSKALLAO, which means “intimate
association in the form of sexual intercourse,” Kittel, Vol 3,
2. Principles.
a. Sexuality in marriage is not only designed for the
mutual pleasure of the husband and the wife, but is a reminder
that the only thing that is coalesced at the point of marriage is
the bodies. Coalescence of the bodies in sex means that two
people now have one destiny in life. But soul coalescence is
even more important. The coalescence of souls comes through
Bible doctrine and the integrity envelope, composed of personal
love for God the Father and impersonal love for all mankind.
b. Compatibility and rapport in marriage depends on
the coalescence of souls. You cannot have soul compatibility
until you are under one roof as husband and wife. After marriage
is when you get to know your spouse. Hence, the need for both
spouses to form the integrity envelope in their respective souls
for their mutual benefit in marriage.
c. Precedence was established in the original marriage
when it was consummated with sexual intercourse, which united
their bodies but not their souls. Adam and the woman went
through three stages in their marriage.
(1) The perfection stage. Sex in this stage was
recreation, an expression of personal love inside the integrity
(2) At the fall, the spiritual death stage. Sex
in this stage involved both recreation and procreation for
perpetuation of the human race.
(3) The regenerate stage came after they were
born again. Sex in this stage is an expression of personal love
inside the integrity envelope.
d. The formation of the integrity envelope in the soul
by the deployment of the tandem problem solving devices results
in coalescence of souls which expresses true love in sexual
relationship. In marriage, you have to have a personal sense of
destiny for two people. This is a far greater challenge.
Therefore, the integrity envelope must remain in place for a far
greater challenge. You can be single and have the tandem problem
solving devices in place and even pass providential preventative
suffering, but marriage will challenge your personal sense of
destiny. True love in sexual relationship comes from the tandem
problem solving devices creating in the soul the integrity
e. If both spouses have the integrity envelope, then
they will move rapidly to coalescence of souls. That is the key
to marriage.
3. With personal love inside the integrity envelope, true
love is expressed in the sexual relationship between of the
husband and the wife.
4. Sex in marriage can be the fulfillment of desire or an
expression of true love and rapport. It can be either the
fulfillment of lust, of normal desire, of libido, or the
expression of true love with soul rapport. It is stupid to not
have sex because you do not have soul rapport yet.
5. Sex outside of marriage is sin, evil, and degeneracy.
Sex outside of marriage can also be crime. Sex outside of
marriage is forbidden, Ex 20:14; Dt 5:18; Mt 5:27f, 19:18; Rom
13:8-9; 1 Cor 6:13,18; 1 Thes 4:3-4; Heb 13:4; Eph 5:3.
6. Precedence always restricts sex to marriage. Sex in
marriage is designed by God to be an expression of personal love
inside the integrity envelope. That is the goal and objective of
7. You cannot build your marriage on sex. You build your
marriage on virtue love. The integrity envelope always expresses
itself in sex in marriage as well as the coalescence of souls.
8. The honorable unbeliever can have a happy marriage, Eccl
9:9, “Enjoy life with the wife whom you love all the days of your
life of emptiness, which He has given to you under the sun;
because that is your portion in life, and in your job at which
you are working labored under the sun.”
a. This is an unbeliever who has soul rapport with his
wife on the basis of the fact he is an honorable person. He has
an empty life because of no relationship with God, but can still
have a happy life.
b. The unbeliever can have a wonderful life of
happiness because he has honor in his job. He does good in his
job for the same reason he has a good marriage–he has honor in
c. Unbelievers can have happiness in marriage and in
their job because of honor from observance of the laws of divine

E. Soul Coalescence.
1. One of the most meaningful things in life and one of the
most sustaining things in marriage is when there is coalescence
of souls and then coalescence of bodies. There are few believers
in every generation who fulfill this. There are even fewer who
understand and fulfill what God gave the human race in sex. From
the beginning of mankind on the earth, sex was an expression of
personal love in marriage.
2. The first marriage united a perfect man and a perfect
woman in perfect environment. After the original sin of Adam and
the woman, sex in marriage was designed as an expression of
personal love inside the integrity envelope. Therefore, sex in
marriage by precedence is first of all recreation. Recreation in
sex is necessary; procreation is not.
a. The first purpose of sex in marriage is an
expression of personal love inside the integrity envelope. This
was the only purpose prior to the fall of mankind. It is the
original purpose of marriage and continues until the end of
b. The second purpose of sex in marriage is
procreation–the perpetuation of the human race through sexual
intercourse. This purpose was not operational until the original
sin introduced spiritual death into the human race, Rom 5:12.
c. Gen 1:27-28, “And God created man in His own image,
in the image of God He created him; male and female He created
them. Then God blessed them and said to them, `Be fruitful and
multiply, and fill the earth and dominate it…'”
(1) The word for “man” here is the definite
article HA and the noun ADAM. This is technical for the entire
human race. Both the man and the woman were created in the image
of God.
(2) The word “image” is the Hebrew noun TSELEM.
It is correctly translated “image.” It refers to a shadow image.
It does not refer to the visible body of the man and the woman,
but to the invisible soul and spirit, when mankind was originally
created trichotomous (body, soul, and spirit). The word image
means three things.
(a) It means self-consciousness of the soul.
“I am.”
(b) It means morality; moral reasoning
power. “I ought.”
(c) It means volition or self-determination.
“I will.”
(3) The divine mandate of verse 28 only became
operational after the fall of mankind. Precedence in the
authority in marriage was established prior to the fall of
mankind. From the beginning man was the ruler over the woman in
(4) God created marriage as an invisible wall
composed of a sublime sexual relationship to protect mankind from
angelic infiltration and many other things.
3. True sexuality is not just the coalescence of two
bodies. The expression of love in sex comes from the coalescence
of the souls.
a. Since God created mankind to resolve the
prehistoric angelic conflict, marriage has a great deal to do
with that. God created mankind to resolve the angelic conflict
through a series of systems which are part of human life: the
function of your volition, the function of your relationships,
the function of marriage, the function of faith in Christ for
eternal salvation. God created mankind to resolve the angelic
conflict through thinking related to volition and values of the
soul, not emotion.
b. In sex in marriage there is a good emotion that is
a part of the return of one couple to the garden of Eden for that
brief time of the sexual encounter. In that good emotion there
is the desire, the love for each partner in marriage to fulfill
their responsibilities. A woman never thinks it is demeaning to
be obedient to her husband, because she has been to Eden with
him. A husband is never a brutal monster in pushing around a
woman because he has been to Eden with her. The sexual
relationship is coalescence of bodies in such a way that the
return from the vacation of sexuality results in the most
fantastic desire to fulfill all three of the divine laws of
c. Thinking is a part of the spiritual life. Thinking
is a part of marriage. Marriage is a part of the spiritual life.
(1) Phil 2:5, “Keep on thinking this in you which
was in Christ Jesus.”
(2) 1 Cor 2:16, “For who has known the thinking
of the Lord; we have the thinking of Christ.”
(3) Eph 4:23, “Become renewed [reinvigorated,
refreshed] through the agency of the Holy Spirit by means of your
(4) 2 Tim 1:14, “Guard the noble deposit [Bible
doctrine] through the agency of the Holy Spirit who keeps on
dwelling in you.”
(5) Rom 12:2-3, “Stop being conformed to this
world, but be transformed by the renewing of your thinking, that
you may prove what the will of God is. For I say through the
grace that was given to me to everyone who is among you, stop
thinking of self in terms of arrogance beyond what you ought to
think, but think in terms of sanity as God has assigned to each
one of us a standard of thinking from doctrine.”
(6) 1 Cor 10:12, “Let him who thinks he stands
take heed lest he fall. If anyone thinks he is something when he
is nothing, he deceives himself.”
(7) Prov 23:27, “As a person thinks in his soul
that is what he is.”
4. It is coalescence of souls with the coalescence of
bodies that takes the man and the woman back to the garden of
Eden, the most refreshing place in the world, which brings them
back to motivation to fulfill God’s plan, will, and purpose in
5. Coalescence of souls can only be fulfilled through the
thinking of the soul related to the spiritual life, thinking
related to the formation of the integrity envelope of the tandem
problem solving devices. The three laws of marriage are
fulfilled in the soul, not in sex. Therefore, as goes the
spiritual life, so goes the marriage.
6. The thinking of the spiritual life has three results,
which are the true greatness of the believer.
a. Consistent modus operandi in the function of the
four spiritual mechanics of the protocol plan of God.
b. The formation of the integrity envelope from the
deployment of the tandem problem solving devices.
c. Fulfillment of the four spiritual objectives of the
protocol plan of God.

F. Sex is not a problem solving device for marriage.
1. The foundation of marriage is the Lord Jesus Christ and
the thinking of Jesus Christ, 1 Cor 2:16. Sex is part of the
thinking of Christ, who invented sex. Sex is a grace gift from
gift for marriage only, which makes marriage marvelous and
2. The success or failure of marriage depends on the
believer’s attitude toward Bible doctrine. In addition to Bible
doctrine itself, the believer must understand and utilize the
problem solving devices of the protocol plan of God. These are
designed to solve the problems of marriage, not sex.
3. You do not solve your marital problems by changing your
spouse or changing your sex partner, but you change yourself
under the concept of a self-directed marriage. The concept of a
self-directed marriage includes two things.
a. The application of doctrine to experience under the
principle of wisdom and doctrinal conceptualism.
b. The understanding and use of the problem solving
devices of the protocol plan.
4. The sexual partners who have solved their problems
through doctrine are the ones who have the best relationship.
5. Most Christians try to solve marital problems through
some simple but ineffectual formula, such as counselling, or
having someone tell you what to do.
6. In a self-directed marriage, each spouse takes
responsibility for his or her own mistakes and seeks to correct
them or change them accordingly. In other-directed marriages,
each spouse holds the other spouse responsible for both happiness
and entertainment in marriage. In the self-directed marriage,
one spouse does not try to change the other spouse to conform to
his or her image of the ideal mate.
7. Sex is an expression of marital relationship, but never
designed by God to be a problem solving device. Sex portrays the
beauty of interdependence in marriage, just as Bible doctrine
presents the believer’s dependence on God’s grace policy. This
means that sex in marriage is the sphere of unity, the “one
flesh” principle.
8. Sex in marriage demands, above all, the function of
virtue to produce happiness, contentment, and satisfaction in the
sexual relationship of husband and wife.
9. Sex often becomes part of the problem of marriage.
a. If the husband becomes involved in the arrogance
complex through self-fragmentation, his self-pity, jealousy,
bitterness, vindictiveness, arrogance, and hypersensitivity will
affect his sexual relationship with his wife.
b. This means that sex becomes a means of self-
gratification only, and the expression of lack of virtue and lack
of spiritual self-esteem. This means that sex becomes a terrible
burden to the wife, who comes to hate the very thing that God has
designed for her blessing.
c. As a problem-manufacturing device, both husband and
wife can use or abuse sex, resulting in the destruction of those
invisible castle walls and what they represent in marriage.
d. If the wife is petty, bitter, vindictive, jealous,
or full of unrealistic expectation, or motivated to revenge, she
has contributed to the destruction of those invisible walls of
e. Hatred and self-justification result in the “I-me”
syndrome, which also contributes to the destruction of sexual
relationship. f. Marriage is a two-way
responsibility. It is not a one-way street, where the husband
initiates everything and must comply with his wife’s unrealistic
expectations. The wife who has not initiated has not been
satisfied in sex.
g. The tragedy of marriage begins when couples are
more interested in arrogant, self-centered thinking, which says,
“What can I get out of marriage?” rather than the doctrinal
viewpoint, “What can I bring into this marriage?”
10. Marriage is not only the merging of bodies, but the
merging of souls, and even of sin natures and personality
a. Hence, the conflicts and problems of marriage often
overflow into the sexual relationship. Therefore, the problems
can only be solved by going back to the foundation, which is
Bible doctrine.
b. As problems in marriage are resolved, so also the
sexual relationship in marriage is resolved.
c. Bible doctrine is the foundation of marriage. And
the success of marriage depends on your inventory of doctrinal
d. Just as Bible doctrine is the foundation for
Christian marriage, so sex in marriage is the superstructure
which isolate one man and one woman from their contemporaries in
the divine institution of marriage.
11. Principles of application.
a. Application without truth is false. Example:
premarital sex.
b. Application without fact is fiction. Example: all
of the distortions related to sex – kinky sex.
c. Application from emotion is irrationality. People
get emotional about sex and become irrational about it.
d. Application without principle is distortion,
foolish and silly thinking.
e. Application without doctrine is distorted learning.
f. Application without virtue is distorted living.
12. You cannot solve the problems of marriage through the
mind, the thinking, or the volition of another person.
Therefore, counselling is not the solution to marital problems.
Certain cases may require the assistance of professional
a. Medical help where sexual incompetency is related
to a physiological problem. This requires the help of a medical
doctor, not a marriage counsellor.
b. Medical help where there is a suspected mental
illness in a spouse. Psychiatry is required here.
c. Professional counselling in which you are
encouraged to make your own decisions on the basis of doctrinal
13. There is no substitute for solving your own marital
problems from the privacy of your priesthood and through your own
doctrinal inventory in the soul. In counselling situations, the
believer is often depending upon the thinking, judgement,
volition, or the modus operandi of someone else. And something
that will work for someone else may not work for you. Other
Christians cannot solve your problems.
a. The same privacy by which you learned Bible
doctrine should be used in the application of that doctrine in
resolving your problems. Change yourself, but do not try to
change your spouse.
b. Marriage is more than finding the right person; it
is being the right person.
c. Being the right person requires Bible doctrine in
the soul producing virtue. Virtue is necessary for successful
and good sex. Sex operates on virtue.
14. Going to someone else for solutions to your problems is
nothing more than borrowing their solutions. Borrowed solutions
are temporary at best. And since they are based on another
person’s viewpoint rather than your own viewpoint, they are
detrimental and often very destructive.
15. Problems of marriage must be solved in the privacy of
your own priesthood. Outside counselling often becomes an
intrusion on the privacy of your marriage. Counselling can only
provide temporary solutions at best; permanent solutions come
from doctrine resident in your own soul. Counsellor dependence
must never replace doctrinal dependence and grace orientation
inside your own soul.

G. Summary of General Principles of Sex.
1. From the standpoint of time in marriage, sex is probably
less than one percent. But from the standpoint of quality,
motivation, satisfaction, virtue, honor, integrity, its
significance encompasses the entire marital relationship.
2. Sex is the boundary for marriage, the invisible walls of
the castle, the line of demarcation which separates a husband and
wife from the rest of the world.
3. This does not imply that marriage is asocial or
antisocial, but emphasizes the importance of marriage as the
basic unit on which society, culture and nationalism depends.
4. God designed sex for marriage only.
5. Sex was designed for husband and wife to complete each
other under the principle of interdependence, and establish those
invisible castle walls around that relationship.
6. Sex is a private matter between a husband and a wife.
Do not run around and tell your sex problems to everyone who will
listen. It only creates gossip.
7. In marriage, young adults make a permanent change of
station from family unity to marital unity, from family privacy
and intimacy to marital privacy and intimacy.
8. This new unity is formed by leaving father and mother
and having sex in marriage. God invented sex as a line of

H. The Problem And Danger of Premarital Sex.
1. Premarital sex destroys the virtue and values on which
compatibility and rapport in marriage are founded. Generally,
both men and women enter into premarital sex to satisfy their
libido. Hence, the involvement of the third arrogance skill,
which is self-absorption.
2. Premarital sex generally occurs in the attraction stage
of romance. Premarital sex in the attraction stage of romance
blocks off and closes the door for entering compatibility and
rapport. Therefore, it makes a direct attack on two postulates
in marriage.
a. The first postulate–marriage is more than finding
the right person; marriage is being the right person. Premarital
sex eliminates being the right person, so that the finding of the
right person is frustrated with hang-ups and regrets.
b. A happy marriage is like a long conversation that
always seems too short. This describes both compatibility and
rapport in marriage.
3. Premarital sex often creates a liability to the
principle that a person is no better in marriage than they are as
a person, and therefore, the possibility and probability of not
attaining compatibility and soul rapport in marriage.
4. Premarital sex becomes the enemy of marriage, and can
destroy a marriage long before the marriage occurs. Marriages
are often destroyed by the pattern of sexuality in adolescence
and young adulthood. Premarital sexual experience has an adverse
effect on postmarital sex. Periods of unrestrained
licentiousness are often followed by periods of unrestrained
guilt and depression. Promiscuity before marriage creates
handicaps for marriage. The couple involved in fornication are
in the process of destroying the very Biblical standards of
virtue required for a successful marriage.
5. One of the dangers of premarital sex is the development
of an arrogant problem of self-gratification, in which a single
person desires sexual sensation rather than a sex partner in
marriage. Your values are sensations that are desireable.
Therefore, instead of an integrity envelope there are serious
unresolved problems of wide emotional swings and problem
manufacturing devices–the function of the arrogance skills.
6. Premarital sex in adolescence is also generally not
satisfying, not up to expectations, not fulfilling. Therefore,
frustration sets in the relationship.
7. Principles of Application.
a. Application without truth is false.
b. Application without fact is fiction.
c. Application from emotion is irrationality.
d. Application without principle is life without
e. Application without doctrine is distorted learning.
f. Application without virtue is distorted living.
8. Premarital sex not only abandons the virtue necessary
for compatibility and rapport, but causes the fornicators to
encapsulate their romance or lust in deceit. Hence, the basis
for their romantic love or the fulfillment of their lust becomes
the sins of arrogance and the sins of emotion.
9. The strength of romantic love is virtue. For the
unbeliever this virtue is attained through the observance of the
laws of divine establishment, Eccl 9:9. This virtue is attained
in two ways by the believer.
a. Doctrinal conceptualism or consistent postsalvation
epistemological rehabilitation, which means perception,
metabolization and application of Bible doctrine to your own
b. Understanding and using the problem solving devices
of the protocol plan of God.
10. Loss of standards through premarital sex creates two
categories of problems which destroy romance and marriage.
a. The problems of the arrogance complex. This is
tantamount to self-fragmentation, the first stage of Christian
degeneracy. b. The problems of emotional
control of love or romance. This is tantamount to irrationality
in the relationship, because there is no doctrinal content, no
problem solving devices, no common sense, and no discernment.
11. Reaction from failure in romance due to premarital sex
results in many other problems.
a. Entering a life of promiscuity with many sex
partners results in Christian immoral degeneracy.
b. The reaction of seeking comparable stimulation in
chemical dependence when your sex is cut off.
c. The reaction of depression, self-pity, and suicide.
d. The reaction of revenge through the function of
polarized legalism and resultant Christian moral degeneracy.
12. Biblical warning against premarital sex. 1 Cor 6:18; 1
Thes 4:3-4; Heb 13:4.
13. There are several handicaps that occur from premarital
a. Self-gratification. Both men and women enter into
premarital sex to satisfy their own libido. There is no genuine
love or sense of responsibility for their sex partner, especially
with the men. When a man seduces a woman for his self-
gratification, the woman is left frustrated. The man who does
this prior to marriage does not change after marriage.
Therefore, the wife enters into sexual frustration.
b. The handicap to achieving premarital rapport.
(1) Premarital sex handicaps you
from being the right person. Premarital sex eliminates being the
right person, so that finding the right person is frustrated with
(2) Premarital sex generally eliminates the
possibility of ever attaining compatibility or rapport in
14. Conclusion.
a. Premarital sexual experience has an adverse effect
on post-marital sex.
b. Premarital sexual experience often hinders any
chance of a successful marriage, because it eliminates both
compatibility and the rapport stages of marriage.
c. Premarital sexual experience often results in
Christian immoral degeneracy which eliminates the virtue
prerequisite for a successful marriage. The most important thing
about sex is virtue.
d. Promiscuity destroys discernment. The attraction
stage of romance is the most vulnerable to premarital sex. In
the attraction stage of romance, premarital sex destroys the
spiritual life, eliminates the understanding and use of the
problem solving devices of the protocol plan of God, and keeps a
lot of believers from ever executing the protocol plan.
(1) Promiscuity leads to emotional revolt of the
soul, which converts a genuine personal love into pseudo love.
Emotional revolt of the soul does not have capacity for true
love. It removes personal love from the integrity envelope of
impersonal love.
(2) Premarital sexual experience destroys
marriage long before it occurs. The irrationality of emotional
revolt of the soul takes over the life and erodes the virtue
standards on which true love is based.
(3) Recovery not only includes rebound, but
demands inculcation of doctrine, the function of the problem
solving devices after you have learned how they work.
e. For the believer, premarital sex substitutes the
emotional complex of sins: guilt, fear, worry, hatred, anger,
anxiety, and occasionally murder.
15. Why God forbids premarital sex.
a. Periods of unrestrained licentiousness are always
followed by periods of unrestrained guilt and depression.
b. Licentiousness often results in suicide.
c. You are responsible for your own decisions in life.
The woman uses her own free will to respond to the man’s sexual
d. The road to disaster is always paved with sex,
drugs, and excessive alcohol.
e. No one is ever the same after salvation through
faith in Christ. Some believers become winners and some become
losers and are far worse than they were as unbelievers.
f. A male with virtue will never take a female past
her own volition in the sphere of intimacy.
g. The man who does not respect your volition, ladies,
is the wrong man for you.
16. The increase of Christian degeneracy means the decrease
of both spirituality and the use of the problem solving devices
in romance and marriage. Premarital sex destroys the possibility
of sexual compatibility and rapport in marriage.
17. Premarital sex destroys arousal patterns and mutually
satisfactory fulfillment. There is a physiological factor in
sexual arousal, as noted in the phrase “one flesh” in Gen 2:24
and Eph 5:31.
a. Fornication destroys the rhythm and the pattern.
b. Libido is the function of biological sex, but
maximum effectiveness of sex in marriage depends on other
factors, such as: status quo of the soul, function of the
spiritual life, and attainment of contentment and spiritual
c. Major handicaps occur through premarital sexual
activity which numb normal sexual responses and normal sexual
d. 1 Cor 6:18 implies that violation of premarital
chastity decreases the source of sexual energy in marriage. This
is why sex becomes dull for married people.
18. Generally, premarital sexual experience solidifies the
mind-set a person will have toward sex for the rest of his life.
Apart from the overruling grace of God, the effects of premarital
sexual experience on the husband and wife are detrimental, and
often disastrous.
19. Chronic participation in premarital sexual activity does
effect marital adjustment.
20. The more premarital sex partners one has, the more
difficult it is to adjust to one partner in marriage.
a. Each premarital sexual relationship tends to be
conditioned to the response pattern of the other person involved.
Many premarital sexual encounters produces a variety of responses
and rhythms.
b. Hence, the sexual acts result in a specific
response pattern for each person. A new premarital sex encounter
does not extinguish the previous pattern of the previous sexual
c. Therefore, promiscuity eventuates in sexual
conditioning to a composite of one’s sexual affairs.
Unrestrained sexual activity does not lead to freedom, but to
d. Premarital control of sexuality is liberation; for
it results in elimination of the handicaps of fornication.
Undisciplined, uncontrolled premarital sexuality hinders
effective sexual relationship in marriage. Premarital chastity
produces self-control, which makes a husband an effective lover
of his wife.

I. Marriage is the status of maximum sexual satisfaction.
1. God invented sex for marriage only, which makes marriage
a unique institution in the human race. God invented marriage
for one man and one woman, which means that homosexual or lesbian
“marriages” are not legitimate in the eyes of God.
2. God provided sex as the ultimate expression of marriage
and virtue. Sexual relationship can be an expression of love,
but this is rarely the case in marriage, because there is so
little virtue in marriage on the part of the husband.
3. The classroom for learning sex is marriage.
4. Just as the believer must learn Bible doctrine to
advance in the protocol plan, so good sexual response in marriage
is a continual learning process. Good sexual response in
marriage includes the following sexual response cycle.
a. There is volition, which includes everything from
fantasy about sexual activity and the desire that accompanies
b. There is excitement, which is the subjective sense
of sexual pleasure and accompanying physiological change.
c. There is orgasm, which is sexual pleasure which
releases the sexual tension and the rhythmic contraction of
muscles and pelvic reproductive organs in the wife.
d. There is resolution, which is general relaxation,
general well-being, and muscular relaxation.
5. Premarital sex destroys the sexual response cycle.
Premarital sexual activity often hinders interpersonal marital
6. Sexual compatibility is related to the mutual response
of both husband and wife in the fulfillment of these four
categories of the sexual cycle. This results in mutual pleasure
derived from the husband’s virtue love, spiritual self-esteem,
and thoughtfulness in satisfying his wife first.
7. Mutual orgastic experience is often a matter of the
husband’s ability to learn, to understand, to be totally
cognizant of his wife’s response system, and to control his own
responses to correspond to her’s. It is impossible for an
alcoholic husband or wife to find mutual satisfaction in sex.
8. Optimum sexual satisfaction in marriage is related to
virtue. And the husband leads the way with spiritual self-esteem
and virtue love. Premarital virtue and chastity is the status
most favorable for success in the marital relationship.
9. The woman develops true love for her husband by
satisfaction in the sexual relationship of marriage. Virtue in
sex brings out everything that makes the husband great – his
thoughtfulness, tenderness, and control. Under those conditions,
sex can only be greater and greater as the marriage progresses.
10. There is a correlation between premarital virginity and
post-marital happiness.
11. Sexual responsiveness is related to the quality of the
marriage. The quality of the marriage is based on the following
a. Understanding and using the problem solving
b. Perception, metabolization, application of
doctrine; therefore, the development of doctrinal conceptualism.
c. Entrance into marriage in status quo of premarital
d. Recovery from premarital sexual activity and loss
of rhythms through the attainment of spiritual adulthood.
12. Sexual responsiveness in marriage increases or decreases
as the quality of the marriage increases or decreases. Marriage
quality and responsiveness influence each other. Therefore, they
are mutually interdependent.
13. What is brought into the marriage by each partner
determines the mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual quality
of the marriage. Anything that happens before salvation is
blotted out by salvation.
14. A husband and wife who reach marriage in virginity and
virtue create a more enduring happiness through their
understanding and utilization of the problem solving devices of
the protocol plan of God. This overflows into their sex life,
and they have great satisfaction in learning to respond fully and
completely to each other.

J. The Source, Solution, and Punishment of Sexual Sins.
1. God created sex as a monopoly of marriage for recreation
and procreation.
2. Sexual intercourse in marriage unites the bodies of
husband and wife, but only respect producing true love,
integrity, humility, and reciprocity unites the soul of the
husband and wife in marriage.
a. The union of the bodies and souls is where there is
true greatness in sex. Their souls are united and as a result
their bodies are united.
b. The unity of the souls is the true love of the
husband for the wife and the wife for the husband.
c. This true love is sponsored by reciprocity, which
results in application of true motivation and blessing that God
has designed for sex in marriage.
3. After the fall of mankind in sin, sex was not only a
continuation of the coalescence of souls but the expression of
reciprocity, which purifies and motivates love in marriage, and
the perpetuation of the human race and motivation for parents to
train the children in the important things in life.
4. The coalescence of souls brings true meaning to “one
flesh” (Gen 2:24) and establishes precedence for that in
5. Sex and marriage were created prior to the fall of man.
Therefore, there is nothing wrong with sex in marriage.
6. Precedence provided by God demands that we understand
the reason for the divine provision of sexuality. Pristine
principles related to the creation of mankind establish the true
meaning of sex as the conjugal relationship for marriage only.
The first occurrence of sex happened after marriage, setting the
precedence for human history.
7. Heb 13:4, “Let marriage be held in honor by all, and let
sexual intercourse be undefiled; for fornication and adulterers
God will judge.”
8. The categories of sexual sins.
a. Adultery, which is voluntary sexual intercourse of
a married person with someone other than his wife.
b. Fornication, which is voluntary sexual intercourse
between two unmarried persons or two persons not married to each
c. The sexual sins of degeneracy.
(1) Homosexuality, which is voluntary sexual
intercourse directed toward a person of one’s own sex.
(2) Bestiality, which is sexual relationship
between a human being and an animal.
(3) Necrophilia, which is erotic attraction to a
d. The sexual sins of crime.
(1) Rape, which is to force a person to have
sexual intercourse.
(2) Incest, which is sexual intercourse between
parents and children.
(3) Pederasty, which is sexual relationship
between two males, one of whom is a minor.
(4) Prostitution, which is the practice of
engaging in sexual intercourse for money.
(5) Pandering, which is the function of a pimp, a
go-between who profits from the vices of others related to
illicit sexual intercourse.
e. The sexual sins related to evil includes the
phallic cult, demonism, and demon cults related to sex.
9. True love is in the soul. The spiritual life of the
soul must take precedence, for the battle is in the soul. Lust
starts in the soul. Failure demands the use of rebound, 1 Jn
a. The power of the filling of the Holy Spirit is a
major issue in rejecting the temptation of sexual sins.
b. We have a spiritual teacher in God the Holy Spirit,
Jn 14:26, to make these things become a part of our soul’s
c. Gal 5:16, “Keep walking by means of the Spirit and
you will not carry out the lusts of the flesh.”
10. If you are ever involved in any kind of sexual sin, do
not tell anyone else about it. Do not go to other people for
advice, when you commit a sin. You will get wrong answers from
others. You have the privacy of your priesthood even when you
11. Sexual sins are a part of the degeneracy of a nation,
Rom 1:24-27.
12. The desire for sex is genetic, but the function of
sexual sins is volitional. You may be tempted, but you do not
have to succumb to that temptation.
a. Sexual preference is a matter of self-determination
rather than genetic origin.
b. Libido is a matter of sexual desire or lust, which
combines three general principles.
(1) Normal sexual desire, which is not sin (that
is, sex in marriage).
(2) Sexual lust as a temptation from the sin
nature, but not sin until the sin nature takes it over.
(3) Sexual preference, which is a matter of
volition related to circumstances, ignorance, or cognition of
Bible doctrine.
13. Don’t blame your sin on other people, alcohol, drugs or
anything else. Take the responsibility for the sin and rebound
immediately. You do not have to do it just because you lust for
it. Each person involved must take the responsibility for their
own failure.
14. All punishment from God for sexual sins comes from His
integrity and a love that does not diminish.
15. The solution after rebound is to keep moving so you can
handle the punishment.
16. The body is not for fornication, but for the Lord, and
the Lord is for the body.
17. Emotion plus lust is not true love. True love must have
18. Eph 5:22-25, 33. Eph 4:31 lists the things that destroy
sex in marriage: bitterness, anger, wrath, quarreling, slander,
and malice.